1st is tolerance, then u'll get used to it, and accept it..and embrace it and then life goes on.

sometimes..there are things  we simply cannot tolerate..some things we hardly understand..that when we take immediate action, everything will just burst and things get scattered and mess will be all around. It's like u wanted to get mad, u r badly hurt and u just cant do anything but think about y things have to happen that way? U cant do anything so badly..u just have to allow circumstances to hurt u and there's no other escape from it.

It sucks..really. But allowing calmness to dwell within is what I fortunately learned. Sometimes I thought I cannot handle any situation beyond my control, yes, I really couldn't handle it ALONE. I still want to maintain my sanity. With the help of prayers and good people, I am still fine and happy despite every freakin' stuffs.

Not only calmness is the key for that sucking big thing in your life, you also have to ask and know yourself more, what is it with you that could make you carry this crucial circumstance? what do you really really want and in what way can you deal this? Often times, it's ourselves that we needed to understand the most. And next in line are the people and the situation itself.

Breathe in..breathe out..think about how good it felt like when someone surpassed crazy obstacles in the road after a long run. It would be like heaven, I made it!

Ang kwento ng pagmamahal.

Isa sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko na sa tingin ko ay diko kakayanin ay ang mwala c lola. Halos araw araw laman sya lagi ng isip ko,di ako makatulog,hirap kumain,bumyahe at maglakad sa daan ng diko sya naiisip,kahit anong waksi ko mayamaya nasa isip ko n nman sya. Si lola, na kinalakihan ko at nagbgay sa akin ng sobrang pagmamahal at atensyon hanggang sa edad ko na nato. Lahat ng pangako saken nung bata ako e tinupad nya,walang palya un, at mula sa shampoo,sabon,pulbo,cologne,lotion, laruan at damit ay sya ang number 1 sponsor ko. Mahal na mahal ako ni lola at lagi nyang sinasabi sa akin un, at sya din ang unang taong nagmulat sa akin n mahal ako ng Diyos at mahal ng Diyos ang lahat ng tao mabuti man o masama. Sa edad n tatlo ay natuto na din ako magrosary dahil s kanya. Sa gabi, puro kwento ng kabataan nya, sa araw puro kwento ng kabataan ko. Napagagalitan din ako oo naman, pero mas maraming beses ako napagsabihan kesa sa napagalitan. May panahon na nahilig ako sa pagaalaga ng pusa,cguro nsa elementary pa ko nun. Lahat ng tao nainis sa akin nun dahil marumi daw ang pusa kahit paliguan ko pa, pero si lola tuwang tuwa dahil ang bait daw ng pusa ko at inaalagaan ko daw tlga mabuti dahil tuwing nsa eskwela ako hinahanap hanap ako nun.pag kauwi ay sinasalubong pa. Madami akong ala-ala kay lola lalo na nung nagcollege at nagttrabaho nako,maraming beses nya ng nataboy ang mga lungkot na hndi ko alam kung san nanggagaling,hahawakan lng nya kamay ko tapos sasabihin nya "do not worry about anything, God loves you anyway, just pray always". Nakakamiss talaga. Nasabi ko din kay lola na marunong na ko tumugtog ng gitara pero hindi ako magaling marunong lang,tapos tuwang tuwa sya dahil magagamit ko daw un pagnagworship ako. Lahat ng mahahalagang bagay at pangyayari sa buhay ko ay alam ni lola,minsan natatawa sya sa akin at minsan naman nagugulat,pero sobrang srap sa pakiramdam na may nsasabihan ako ng sekreto at komportable p ko dahil lola ko at sobrang mahal ako.

Hindi lahat ng gusto ni lola ay nagawa ko, madami din akong palpak. Pero wala kong naramdaman na tampo o inis galing sa kanya. "Its okay" lng ang naririnig ko sa kanya. "Its okay, there are many next time"...

Ngaun, tuwing naiisip ko ang madaming next time na linya na yun..nkakalungkot. Pero pagnaiisip ko na ayaw ni lola ng nagaalala at nalulungkot ay natitigilan ako.

0o,malungkot na sa malungkot ako..pero ang dami kong napagtanto sa pagkawala ni lola, madami din akong natuklasan sa sarili ko, at madami akong gustong gawin ngayon mas dumami kesa dati : )

Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang pagmamahal at pagsisilbi ni lola. Lahat ng malulungkot na pangyayari bago sya mawala ay napalitan lahat ng ala ala nya. Ang sakit ng pagkawala nya pero alam kong masaya sya ngaun at ipagdadasal ko sya palagi. Masaya na rin ako kahit papano dahil nagpapahinga n sya ngaun at magaan na ang pakiramdam nya. Sabi nga nya..mahaba haba pa lalakarin at madami dami pa kakainin ko. Hwag lng akong makalimot magdasal kahit anong mangyari.


La...madaming madaming salamat sa lahat. Ayos lang ako dito..tatandaan ko lahat ng sinabi m0.. Kaya ko to ;)

The hardest word for me to say is goodbye.

I really don't know how long will I be hurt like this....because lola just left me..the only person who doesn't even bother to look at my flaws and mistakes as a person, the only person who appreciates everything about me..understands me even when sometimes people find it hard to. The only person who doesn't waste my everyday 'i love youS '.. the person who treated me unique and incomparable.

I feel that something is lacking in me now, something is missing, like a part of me was taken away and I lost it..like forever..What I am feeling right now.. I just don't want and care about anything anymore, I just want her back that's all(but everything about me and my lola is over and done :,( and that makes me feel very lost )..I feel like no matter what I do, it's too late and it's just..not..the way it should. I feel like everything I do is useless and isn't right.

I miss her love so much.. I know that she isn't mine at all.. in the hands of the Father, she is..'back' in His hands now..and I'm losing her.forever........losing her forever..how would i start a new step without her now.