"I've learned that being so afraid at experiencing pain, being so anxious of letting go for good is nothing
but manifestation of weakness. Being so worried about getting hurt in exchange for a greater life ahead
doesn't help you boost your strength and keeps you from holding on to your real strength above".
another year ended..
I wanted to start from BLACK TO WHITE, from sand to stone, from hazy to clear, fom mud to living water :)
It is dificult to SUM up all what contained my year 2011..
I underwent many difficulties and trials and sadness and depression, many worries, fears,
dangers, surprises, anxieties, mood swings, burst of emotions, lost of patience, got tired of
loving, weary of doing good things, indifference attacks, lates at work, family conflict,
realized the worse! chose not to care, learned the art of ignoring,
accepted what is unacceptable, became linient,was blinded, woke up from a bad dream,
took the wrong turn over & over again,said the wrong words many many times, chooses not to know over
finding out,lost a loved one, missed a friend, accepted pain as essential part of life.
What a summary but honestly I don't remember much about those muddy ground I walked on to, maybe
because it is my nature not to memorize all my misfortunes.
On the other hand, it is so easy to say, that I am also much blessed that year. I felt the Lord's
love more, I don't know if the difference is that I only notice more of His love the past 2011
compared to the previous years. Maybe.
I couldn't enumerate all the great things that happened to my 2011, however I can say that
It's a worth remembering year for me. And these are just FEW WORDS, believe me. ;)
I've learned much, loved much, realized good things,
found treasures that are worth keeping in my heart, gain wisdom, got inspired, found inner peace,
decided well(atleast after learning :D ), enjoyed going out with friends, known myself more,
understand people much, been patient(atleast a little more than before :D ), love my family more,
prioritized what should be. I also received love from people even those who're not really that
close to me which surprised me everyday. As time went by, I learned to laugh at things that made me
feel so down before, those were such a memory, a story to be told in the future when I get really old. :D
I encountered people I loved and realized that to love them is to keep them away from me.lol
I see potential people but so soon I realized they're potential friends and nothing more but a friend.
I see potential people but so soon I realized they're not.
As much as I want to take back FEW moments of how i've expressed myself in the past months during that year, I cannot and It makes
me want to tumble and laugh :D
I loved 2011, I love the people I've met, I've known, I've loved and I've let go.
I've learned that being so afraid at experiencing pain, being so anxious of letting go for good is nothing
but manifestation of weakness. Being so worried about getting hurt in exchange for a greater life ahead
doesn't help you boost your strength and keeps you from holding on to your real strength above.
I've learned not only to believe and love myself more, not myself but the people around me and the
one who's responsible and the reason of my existence, my creator.
The year 2011 was too much and was beyond my strength and capacity, that's what I thought..and I believe
that's the truth. But the year was not even equal the strength of my healer, He's more than those all, I can say.
I believed in Him, and things went right. Not easy but right. Not painless but right. Who can ever
contest to what is right.
It makes me wanna jump high when I think of how well I'd given up some place in my heart for greater
things and greater plans and greater people and above all greater God to occupy it,truely
that was painful, but disregarding my own desire for the benefit of many and by the Lord's approval
what could be better than that of knowing I have been somehow wise despite my limitations. I met the
right road afer my darkest walk on that messy path I've been, I started to feel the heat of the flame
eating the surface of my skin and I still didn't realize that until I prayed the scariest prayer I've ever
uttered in my entire life, Lord take away everything that grabs me from you. Take away the things that are
covering my eyes making me not see you, take away anything that has to be taken away and give me
back my inner peace. When I feel it, I will settle for it and not even a single regret will cross
my mind. True enough, my life was turned upside down, flipped horizontal-vertical to 360degrees. I
was puzzled, troubled and I was..greatly affected. Until my eyes cleared and I see the Hands of the
saviour stretched out and embrace me. I ended up everything, everything that pushes me away from Him.
I said goodbye to them and lastly..I said to them-I'm sorry but Not Anymore.
I accepted with love everything that the year 2011 taught me.
I'm sorry for the people I've hurt that year, for the people I crossed roads with, I do appreciate
and I am forever thankful I met you over million people I could have met.
I am sorry for the people I have offended
I apoligize for hurting people through words without my intention. Peace out.lol
I am also sorry for my failures and mistakes as a friend, a member of a family, community and etc. :D
Thank You all for being part of my 2011.
Let us all look forward for another fruitful year.
Godbless us all!
