A Facebook Post

I was just distracted by a Facebook post of a friend, about the passing of a beautiful and talented young man and his friend. I don't know but it seemed to bother me, so I browsed his(the late young man's) fb page and the moment I was in there it was filled with countless honoring, sympathy and sorrow.

Wow, how did this person live his whole life it touches me within, he was only 22 yrs young for heaven's sake and yet thousands and even more people are now crying and mourning for his loss. He's definitely not a celebrity but in the lives of people whom this person was able to demonstrate the true beauty of a man's heart, he's more than just a celebrity. He was a well known walking joy, strength, hope and inspiration.

Forgive me if I was really truly intrigued to see what kind of person he really is. Thank you for the posts he made public, and to tell you the truth I envied this person it was a surprise what he stated the moment he learned about his disease, that moment when the Doctor diagnosed him with leukemia, he said he felt that the time he was healthy was such a blessing and now that he's sick it was an eye-opener, he was so thankful and he declares how much he loves the Lord despite the news. He feels that the Lord's love never left, His embrace becoming tighter and he want to thank the Lord every moment he spent with the people he loves.

Yes, he's just an ordinary young man of his age.
But,
He has the spirit of a strong young man who never gives up life easily and at the same time he knows when to accept defeat and face the truth.
He has made many people smile, and he was admired for his hard work and dedication and even made the people savor his God-given-talent.(He was a great dancer)
This young man must be so at peace and very much fulfilled in his place now.
A life full of compassion.
A life with a lot of struggles and yet filled with gratitude.
A man with beauty and honor.
I pray now for his soul and wherever he is now, I thank him for he inspires a lot of people including me even though his life on earth has just ended.
I personally have not seen this man in real, I haven't talked to him, but I know for sure that his life will continue to be an inspiration to other individuals he crossed roads with.
This is such a unique encounter I've had.
I wish to live my life like he did, be an inspiration to many like he was.

How about us? how do we live our God-given life?

Love vs. Feelings

I'm writing this because I was confused about the relationship between love and feelings.

I just had meaningful conversation with someone close to me.

I have been aching to hear the lesson and at last I did.
Love
That in loving someone you must encourage one another, and not tolerate each other's bad habits. Yes, accepting the person is sweet but a bad habit of somebody you love could drain you too much and you will get suffocated and eventually exhausted. You'll get back again and it will be like a cycle of that kind of event and we wouldn't want to torture ourselves unless we want to die a martyr. So what do we do? It's time to face the fact that change is something we need if there's something that messes us inside, even if we can take it, if you love yourself, take care of it, don't take it for granted, save it.
Feelings
Insecurities, it's when the person gets really really mad at you when you can do anything you wanna do while he/she feels stuck You fight everytime you went out of his control. and you feel like it's your fault and that the person just crazily loves you that is why he/she's freaking out. Why would someone gets insecure w/ you? hmm.. maybe because you are you..assess yourself. Insecurities brought them the feeling of choking someone they love disguising this as" I'm just so in love with you" where in fact they just hated you because of your status., because you can fly without them, you can succeed on your own, you could be happy on your own.
They would also treat you like you're the one who's selfish while truth is, they are. They want you there with them, they feel the need to control you before you'd be able to learn to live a life without them.

No one has the right to control us, own us and promise us anything..because eternal, unconditional and deepest Love only comes from up high.

Feelings- I will die without you, I couldn't be happy without you, I couldn't live without you.
Love- I will die just for you, I'd be happy for you, I can live without you if you desire it, because I love you.
Feelings- You are selfish
Love- If that is what makes you happy
Feelings- I don't wanna see you anymore
Love- It would be more perfect to see you happier than ever
Feelings-Don't you ever do that
Love- I trust in you
Feelings- I have regrets
Love- I will pray for you

With all his/her feelings toward you,
You think what he/she's doing is because he/she loves you?
You think everything you've been through was your fault?
We are all designed to do such hardwork, designed to dream and make dreams come true,
don't let anyone stop you from becoming who you're supposed to be.
so..
Think twice.
Don't mix and makes mistakes.
Real Love is beyond understanding.
When you find one even in the shortest span of time.
Lucky you. Keep it. He's the one.

2 years had passed since I wrote to you..

Dear blog,

well, you crossed my mind. :)

First I wanna write about this thing in my head something I really want to share with you and to everyone who will encounter you in the internet.

I'm thinking well.. as I pass through days, months, year or years, I have been learning about the rooms I haven't been to before, these were the rooms of life that was locked up before and now I have opened one and I am currently holding its key.

This room I was able to step inside is designed with different colors, some are red, blue, orange, green, some walls have splashes of paint colored black and beige, one desk, one bed, and 2 closed windows. It suffocates me in some way. So I decided to open the windows and just let the air went in and breathe.

Why do I have the key to this room? I don't understand why I'm here, I was so scared. I thought I should go back to where I was the last time.
I stood ready to leave the room when the wind coming from the 2 windows banged the door in front of me.

It was so sudden that I can't help but look at the windows widely open it was as if I was outside this room the air is going back and forth touching the ends of my skin like it has its very important message.

I spent the hours, days, months and years living in this room. Understanding what it means like to be in a life filled with colors and splashes of paints, a desk to study and learn more and a bed to rest my mind, my heart, my being. I don't totally understand it, maybe because I have to wait for another door to open, I had to find its key.

The air reminds me of a gift I was given just when I was about to be conceived, the breath of life, it's a recognition of who designed me.
The colors are the different emotions I have been to while I walk in the human paths.
the 2 closed windows are my eyes.
the wind are the people who believe in me, trust in me and most of love me.

24 years Down---MORE TO GO!!

"I've learned that being so afraid at experiencing pain, being so anxious of letting go for good is nothing

but manifestation of weakness. Being so worried about getting hurt in exchange for a greater life ahead

doesn't help you boost your strength and keeps you from holding on to your real strength above".

another year ended..




I wanted to start from BLACK TO WHITE, from sand to stone, from hazy to clear, fom mud to living water :)

It is dificult to SUM up all what contained my year 2011..
I underwent many difficulties and trials and sadness and depression, many worries, fears,
dangers, surprises, anxieties, mood swings, burst of emotions, lost of patience, got tired of
loving, weary of doing good things, indifference attacks, lates at work, family conflict,
realized the worse! chose not to care, learned the art of ignoring,
accepted what is unacceptable, became linient,was blinded, woke up from a bad dream,
took the wrong turn over & over again,said the wrong words many many times, chooses not to know over
finding out,lost a loved one, missed a friend, accepted pain as essential part of life.
What a summary but honestly I don't remember much about those muddy ground I walked on to, maybe
because it is my nature not to memorize all my misfortunes.

On the other hand, it is so easy to say, that I am also much blessed that year. I felt the Lord's
love more, I don't know if the difference is that I only notice more of His love the past 2011
compared to the previous years. Maybe.

I couldn't enumerate all the great things that happened to my 2011, however I can say that
It's a worth remembering year for me. And these are just FEW WORDS, believe me. ;)
I've learned much, loved much, realized good things,
found treasures that are worth keeping in my heart, gain wisdom, got inspired, found inner peace,
decided well(atleast after learning :D ), enjoyed going out with friends, known myself more,
understand people much, been patient(atleast a little more than before :D ), love my family more,
prioritized what should be. I also received love from people even those who're not really that
close to me which surprised me everyday. As time went by, I learned to laugh at things that made me
feel so down before, those were such a memory, a story to be told in the future when I get really old. :D
I encountered people I loved and realized that to love them is to keep them away from me.lol
I see potential people but so soon I realized they're potential friends and nothing more but a friend.
I see potential people but so soon I realized they're not.
As much as I want to take back FEW moments of how i've expressed myself in the past months during that year, I cannot and It makes
me want to tumble and laugh :D
I loved 2011, I love the people I've met, I've known, I've loved and I've let go.
I've learned that being so afraid at experiencing pain, being so anxious of letting go for good is nothing
but manifestation of weakness. Being so worried about getting hurt in exchange for a greater life ahead
doesn't help you boost your strength and keeps you from holding on to your real strength above.
I've learned not only to believe and love myself more, not myself but the people around me and the
one who's responsible and the reason of my existence, my creator.
The year 2011 was too much and was beyond my strength and capacity, that's what I thought..and I believe
that's the truth. But the year was not even equal the strength of my healer, He's more than those all, I can say.
I believed in Him, and things went right. Not easy but right. Not painless but right. Who can ever
contest to what is right.

It makes me wanna jump high when I think of how well I'd given up some place in my heart for greater
things and greater plans and greater people and above all greater God to occupy it,truely
that was painful, but disregarding my own desire for the benefit of many and by the Lord's approval
what could be better than that of knowing I have been somehow wise despite my limitations. I met the
right road afer my darkest walk on that messy path I've been, I started to feel the heat of the flame
eating the surface of my skin and I still didn't realize that until I prayed the scariest prayer I've ever
uttered in my entire life, Lord take away everything that grabs me from you. Take away the things that are
covering my eyes making me not see you, take away anything that has to be taken away and give me
back my inner peace. When I feel it, I will settle for it and not even a single regret will cross
my mind. True enough, my life was turned upside down, flipped horizontal-vertical to 360degrees. I
was puzzled, troubled and I was..greatly affected. Until my eyes cleared and I see the Hands of the
saviour stretched out and embrace me. I ended up everything, everything that pushes me away from Him.
I said goodbye to them and lastly..I said to them-I'm sorry but Not Anymore.

I accepted with love everything that the year 2011 taught me.
I'm sorry for the people I've hurt that year, for the people I crossed roads with, I do appreciate
and I am forever thankful I met you over million people I could have met.
I am sorry for the people I have offended
I apoligize for hurting people through words without my intention. Peace out.lol
I am also sorry for my failures and mistakes as a friend, a member of a family, community and etc. :D
Thank You all for being part of my 2011.
Let us all look forward for another fruitful year.
Godbless us all!

THE 4 ULTIMATE TYPES of 'Pa-hopefuls' THE "LADIES" VERSION.

For further understanding about what the word 'pa-hopeful' means, I would like to refer you to a friend's blog that has its clear meaning/definition of it. If you also want the 'Guys' version of ' Different Types of Pa-hopefuls' it's also there.:my thoughts for the day

First of all, my version, the 'Ladies' version,  is composed of  different scenarios that could have happen to you(girls) or to your friends..neighbors..classmates..batch mates..enemies..whatever. I just want to emphasize on the qualities a typical woman may or could have.

I would like to introduce to you Jenny and Jim as the primary characters of the scenarios below. If you happen to know a girl named 'Jenny' or a guy named 'Jim'. This is not them.haha

I should now begin!

Pa-hopeful Woman No. 1 --The 'Runway' pa-hopeful--

The runway pahopeful is a very much career oriented type of woman. She will do anything just to fly high. And even though she knows that deep inside she also wants to reach out to someone, she won't because she thinks she needs to focus more on her job and she believes that someone, when given an attention, will only clash and interfere into her career plans.

A runway model wears that super fit top and inches high heels and endures the difficulty to breathe. The pain in her legs are increasing every step she takes.
But the thing is, she loves what she's doing and even though she knows and feels the difficulties and pains, she chooses not to care about them.

Jenny is like that runway model, very dedicated to her career.

Jim on the other hand reaches out to jenny over and over again, I imagined him like a fan of that model, he watch her ramp, take pictures of her, carry her clothes and buy her meal.

Jenny knows that all, she knows deep in her heart that Jim's always been a part of her ramp, of her life and he is becoming even more noticeable every time, every bit of his presence she feels it but because she's too much into her career, she chooses not to think about jim at all. Every time that Jim comes into jenny's mind, she strongly convinces herself that, yes, jim could be a part of her life, but not the priority. She feels that she needs Jim but not as much as her career.

but how did she manage to let Jim stay at her side?

Like the pain and difficulties the runway model feels during her ramp, she also finds time to pamper herself, like she goes to a spa and then go shopping.

jenny knows her need for jim in her life so she also knows that she has to go out on dates and dinners with him so that somehow Jim will stay and will hold on to his belief and hope for jenny's approval..

Pa-hopeful Woman No. 2 --The Ms. Barbie doll pa-hopeful--

Jenny is a description of the OUTSIDE beauty. She's everyone's eyecandy. She turns the head of all the guys when she walks into that room and makes them blush when she smiles at them. Jenny is every guys dream girl.
Except for jim. Jim, is a quiet, simple, not that very handsome guy in the corner of that room, but most of the girls are attracted to him because of his manly-tough bad boy type of look. jim doesn't stun jenny that much, but she's really attracted to jim's mysterious type of personality, she has this feeling..she wants to see jim admire her like most of the guys do but jim is different from them. jenny, is somehow frustrated with jim and she wants him to feel that frustration too. Jenny always gets what she wants, and since she has many friends/fans beside her, she uses them so she'd get to know more about Jim.

When Jenny and Jim became friends, Jenny felt the mission of solving the mystery has just started, Jenny finds out that jim likes simple girls and so Jenny made herself simple, shirt and jeans, no make-up. jenny still stuns the guys every where she goes and Jim is liking the feeling that he's with the prettiest girl in town. Jenny changed her attitude atleast for Jim. and it did turned him on. Jim was known as a guy who doesn't fall for a girl that easy, and girls who envy Jenny for her beauty and appeal, envy her more for having Jim at her side. Jenny now likes the feeling of Jim beside her. Jim eventually fell for her and Jenny loves the thought. Jenny's plan does not include having him as her boyfriend because she doesn't really like that idea, she only wants all the attention. Jim continues to go crazy about her and jenny remains the same. she's too proud of herself that she's got Jim chasing over her.

Pa-hopeful Woman No. 3 --The out of sight out of mind pa-hopeful--

The out of sight out of mind pahopeful is a complicated type of pahopeful. why?

here's the story:

Jenny is a hardworking and friendly woman. Jim is her officemate and they really get along very well. Jim likes jenny a lot and he feels that jenny likes him too. And yes, Jenny do like Jim, but the problem is Jenny is into a relationship state! Does Jim knows? yes. but Jim's hope is so much about Jenny.
why? Because jenny spends a lot of time with jim than her real boyfriend.

this is like a love triangle, Jenny's boyfriend is a very busy, workaholic man, let's name him johnny. johnny is a businessman who travels a lot because it is necessary for his job. jenny loves johnny but she doesn't see him as often as she sees jim, and not only that, because they're in the same office, they spend more time together, more talking and laughing.

Jenny misses johnny so much and jim is her only solution. Whenever she goes out with Jim, she felt that her loneliness was resolved. she felt that she's cool without johnny because here's jim. Jenny likes jim, he's a friend. But she doesn't like jim to take the place of johnny because she LOVES johnny. she just needs to have someone to be with when johnny is not around. someone to make her forget her longingness for johnny. someone that will make her happy aside from johnny. What jenny does is she also makes jim feels that she likes him so that jim won't leave and will continue to be with her when she needs him. the bad thing about jenny is that she tells jim that johnny is too lax with their relationship, she makes jim believe that she feels bad about johnny and it might make her leave him and because jim trusts her, he believes and hopes he'd take place with johnny in jenny's life but deep inside jenny, she can't afford to leave someone like johnny whom she loves so much. she only wants sympathy from jim and she wants jim to stick with her because he fills her emptiness.

Pa-hopeful Woman No. 4 --The ShHopper pa-hopeful--

This pa-hopeful is a headache. Like a shopaholic, she hop from one botique to another but there's a little difference about the shHopper and shopaholic. The shopaholic loves to buy anything she wants and she's really buying it. ShHopper is someone who PRETEND to shop but what she usually does is wow i like this dress..i love this necklace..i want this coat..I will come back later for this. She finds the store exit and HOP to another store and same script.! Shoper-Hopper. She assures that she's coming back later or tomorrow or another day and is going to buy the stuff she wants badly but she really have no plans buying it, she only wants to prevent people from getting irritated at her style so she assures them but never keep her words.

Here's the story:

Jenny likes Jim, jim noticed it and he responded. When johnny passed by, Jenny smiled at Johnny and Johnny noticed it and he responded. Jenny actually likes them both. It's just that, Jenny want to see if there's still somebody she's gonna like more than the two guys in front of her.

Jenny assures every man she likes and gives them hints that she likes'em. But truth is, she only collects guys she likes. She likes the idea of being surrounded with guys she wants to be with..she wants them to know she's available but is not really taking each of them seriously...

1st is tolerance, then u'll get used to it, and accept it..and embrace it and then life goes on.

sometimes..there are things  we simply cannot tolerate..some things we hardly understand..that when we take immediate action, everything will just burst and things get scattered and mess will be all around. It's like u wanted to get mad, u r badly hurt and u just cant do anything but think about y things have to happen that way? U cant do anything so badly..u just have to allow circumstances to hurt u and there's no other escape from it.

It sucks..really. But allowing calmness to dwell within is what I fortunately learned. Sometimes I thought I cannot handle any situation beyond my control, yes, I really couldn't handle it ALONE. I still want to maintain my sanity. With the help of prayers and good people, I am still fine and happy despite every freakin' stuffs.

Not only calmness is the key for that sucking big thing in your life, you also have to ask and know yourself more, what is it with you that could make you carry this crucial circumstance? what do you really really want and in what way can you deal this? Often times, it's ourselves that we needed to understand the most. And next in line are the people and the situation itself.

Breathe in..breathe out..think about how good it felt like when someone surpassed crazy obstacles in the road after a long run. It would be like heaven, I made it!

Ang kwento ng pagmamahal.

Isa sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko na sa tingin ko ay diko kakayanin ay ang mwala c lola. Halos araw araw laman sya lagi ng isip ko,di ako makatulog,hirap kumain,bumyahe at maglakad sa daan ng diko sya naiisip,kahit anong waksi ko mayamaya nasa isip ko n nman sya. Si lola, na kinalakihan ko at nagbgay sa akin ng sobrang pagmamahal at atensyon hanggang sa edad ko na nato. Lahat ng pangako saken nung bata ako e tinupad nya,walang palya un, at mula sa shampoo,sabon,pulbo,cologne,lotion, laruan at damit ay sya ang number 1 sponsor ko. Mahal na mahal ako ni lola at lagi nyang sinasabi sa akin un, at sya din ang unang taong nagmulat sa akin n mahal ako ng Diyos at mahal ng Diyos ang lahat ng tao mabuti man o masama. Sa edad n tatlo ay natuto na din ako magrosary dahil s kanya. Sa gabi, puro kwento ng kabataan nya, sa araw puro kwento ng kabataan ko. Napagagalitan din ako oo naman, pero mas maraming beses ako napagsabihan kesa sa napagalitan. May panahon na nahilig ako sa pagaalaga ng pusa,cguro nsa elementary pa ko nun. Lahat ng tao nainis sa akin nun dahil marumi daw ang pusa kahit paliguan ko pa, pero si lola tuwang tuwa dahil ang bait daw ng pusa ko at inaalagaan ko daw tlga mabuti dahil tuwing nsa eskwela ako hinahanap hanap ako nun.pag kauwi ay sinasalubong pa. Madami akong ala-ala kay lola lalo na nung nagcollege at nagttrabaho nako,maraming beses nya ng nataboy ang mga lungkot na hndi ko alam kung san nanggagaling,hahawakan lng nya kamay ko tapos sasabihin nya "do not worry about anything, God loves you anyway, just pray always". Nakakamiss talaga. Nasabi ko din kay lola na marunong na ko tumugtog ng gitara pero hindi ako magaling marunong lang,tapos tuwang tuwa sya dahil magagamit ko daw un pagnagworship ako. Lahat ng mahahalagang bagay at pangyayari sa buhay ko ay alam ni lola,minsan natatawa sya sa akin at minsan naman nagugulat,pero sobrang srap sa pakiramdam na may nsasabihan ako ng sekreto at komportable p ko dahil lola ko at sobrang mahal ako.

Hindi lahat ng gusto ni lola ay nagawa ko, madami din akong palpak. Pero wala kong naramdaman na tampo o inis galing sa kanya. "Its okay" lng ang naririnig ko sa kanya. "Its okay, there are many next time"...

Ngaun, tuwing naiisip ko ang madaming next time na linya na yun..nkakalungkot. Pero pagnaiisip ko na ayaw ni lola ng nagaalala at nalulungkot ay natitigilan ako.

0o,malungkot na sa malungkot ako..pero ang dami kong napagtanto sa pagkawala ni lola, madami din akong natuklasan sa sarili ko, at madami akong gustong gawin ngayon mas dumami kesa dati : )

Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang pagmamahal at pagsisilbi ni lola. Lahat ng malulungkot na pangyayari bago sya mawala ay napalitan lahat ng ala ala nya. Ang sakit ng pagkawala nya pero alam kong masaya sya ngaun at ipagdadasal ko sya palagi. Masaya na rin ako kahit papano dahil nagpapahinga n sya ngaun at magaan na ang pakiramdam nya. Sabi nga nya..mahaba haba pa lalakarin at madami dami pa kakainin ko. Hwag lng akong makalimot magdasal kahit anong mangyari.


La...madaming madaming salamat sa lahat. Ayos lang ako dito..tatandaan ko lahat ng sinabi m0.. Kaya ko to ;)